mmmm...cookies

Steps to achieve the most delicious peanut butter cookies ever.

1. Live with Shaneil for a spell.
2. Get her to give you her peanut butter chocolate chip cookie recipe.
3. Mix all the ingredients up in your Kitchen-Aid.
4. Take the dough: and make it into little balls that you roll in sugar and flatten with a fork.5. Cook them.
6. Cool them.7. Love them.

PS - Happy Halloween!

I got this mouse costume on clearance last year at Old Navy for five bucks. I figured it'd be a safe way to go since Grayson wouldn't be old enough to tell me what he "wants to be for Halloween" yet. Cheap costume, no prep work, and no back talk. Perfect!
I stayed home and handed out toothbrushes while Josh took Grayson around our cul-de-sac to go trick-or-treating. We had been practicing saying "Trick or Treat!" all week, but I couldn't get him to put all three words together on a regular basis.

In action
(look at his little tail!)

Fortunately, he got the important part down pat, so Josh would knock on the door and when it opened, Grayson would yell "treat!" It was very cute (I know this because they surprise 'treated' me after they were done). He loved helping me when kids came to our house and he would step up to the door and take the candy out of his bag and put it into theirs. It was so cute. Such a beautiful night, such an adorable little boy. All three of us had a great Halloween. Can't wait for next year!

stuff

We met a woman today whose husband goes by his middle name - like Josh does, but for an entirely different reason. Her husband's middle name is Jory. I think I like it, but maybe for a girl. I do like Dayna, though, and it obviously has more significance than Jory would, but I am really liking Jory. Maybe even more than Giana. We'll see.

No, this definitely is NOT an annoucement, but I have been fantasizing lately about how cute Grayson would be with a little baby around the house. There's a baby girl at his daycare and apparently he just loves her. He pets her forehead and says "Hi Baby!" all day long. And of course there'd be the added perk of instant playmate, right? For example, he wouldn't be turning my chair 'round and 'round right now if he had a sibling to distract him, or pulling on my shirt sleeve because he really wants to hop up here and type something himself. Is that the way it works with a little brother or sister or is this just wishful thinking?

But then I think to myself about how in love I am with my baby-turned-little-boy and I just can't imagine not being able to enjoy him as fully as I do. He is truly my ultimate joy in life - I almost feel like I'd be betraying him by bringing such a distraction into our home. On the other hand, we never intended or planned on him being an only child, so I'm sure those feelings will shift once my program is over and life isn't so hectic. I guess we'll see.

I might as well be pregnant with the way I've been craving cookies lately. Two weekends ago I made peanut butter chocolate chip cookies for some of Josh's coworkers and I didn't like the way they turned out. So I made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies instead but I burned one tray and Grayson and I kept eating the rest to the point that there weren't many left, so I froze the remaining 20 or so for a church activity later this month. Of course that made me feel guilty so I baked a new batch of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies this last weekend and they were

so.

damn.

good.

Seriously, they were absolutely delicious. I filled a container for Josh to drop off at work but kept the rest for myself. I am ashamed to admit it was difficult to limit myself to just four cookies per day. Luckily, Grayson didn't like them and Josh has been working so late every night that he usually gets home in time to eat dinner and head straight to bed, so I got to eat as many as I wanted without really having to share. Sadly, they are all gone now and I ate every single last one. The good (and bad) news is that I'm making another batch this weekend to give to a professor of mine to celebrate his birthday. I've already begun fantasizing about all of those cookies and where I'll hide the extras so I don't have to share again. My obsession is almost perverse.

A few more tidbits I'm thinking about right now:
1. I doubt I'll ever tire of combining red peppers with mushrooms.
2. I tricked my son into letting me cook dinner without interruption tonight by giving him a pack of smarties. Just shameful.
3. I'll never get to fully cross "do the dishes" off my list of things to do.
4. The sound of laughter belting from my little boy is the most satisfying sound in the world.
5. Goodbye $62k; hello homeownership and alla its accompanying headaches. We couldn't be more excited to meet you.

What's That?

Just had to throw a little update in here because I'm so infatuated with my son.

Grayson walks all around the house/store/church/etc. and constantly stops to point at something and ask "What's that?" only it sounds more like "Whu ta?" I'll answer him with either a long drawn-out explanation or a short one-word response, but no matter what I say, he cocks his head a little like he's really listening to me and then repeats the last word I said. He even inflects his voice up at the end of the sentence like he's not sure he understood me correctly. It's just so dang cute! He's been repeating things for a while now, but lately he's gotten really good at actually communicating with us. Just Saturday morning we all ended up in our bed and Grayson said his first three-word sentence: "I love Daddy," accompanied with all three signs. He tries to say the ABC's by himself but I have to jump in to give him a little a slew of guidance (he tries to sign the letters too - it's so cute). He parrots the books we read together and my phone conversations. He repeated two lines of our prayers tonight. He is such an adorable little boy!

20 months would be my absolute favorite new age except he's also begun to throw fits when I don't give him what he wants. Example: "No Grayson, you cannot have the knife; Mommy will cut the apple for you." His response: tears of abandonment accompanied by a literal meltdown until he's on the floor and banging his head against something. But it is so so cute how he always rubs my back when we embrace, says "uh-oh" when he purposefully drops something on the ground, hunts for things with his hand on his forehead, shoulders shrugged down, and toes on their tips, and 'jumps' as high as he can. Oh, he just melts my heart.

Dang, I need to be better about pulling out the camera to catch these little moments.

Like a Bee

Wow, am I busy as of late. School really has me hopping. Couple it with Josh's upgrade schedule and all of the equipment problems that ensue, thereby requiring even more of his time and attention on weekends, and it's a wonder I ever actually finish something - cooking, cleaning, studying, playing. And sometimes I don't. Somehow I'm managing to surround myself with just enough of the organized chaos that I've not yet gone completely crazy, but I don't know how I'm doing it.

It gets frustrating that I simply can't find the time to scrub the floor the way I used to. The dishes wait a day to be cleaned now and the last load of laundry often sits in the dryer for a few days before I finally drag them out to fold (and that's usually only because we finally need those clothes back in circulation). I can't remember the last time I spent an hour pulling weeds in the yard, and there has been no jam-making or bread-baking since the program started. It's still uncomfortable to be living like this. Sadly, I feel like I've switched from flourishing mode to strictly surviving.

I don't know why I didn't think my program would require this much time, but I just didn't. Josh groaned the other day when I mentioned I had to study for another test - it seems there's always a test, and there usually is. At least one test per week, sometimes more. The weekends are invaluable for me. Instead of getting household chores completed, I take off to the library for several hours and study in relative peace while my saintly husband wrangles the kid and tries to get the yard work done. But I didn't get my last two Saturdays (Josh was working - Sundays, too) so I've gotten a bit behind in my studies. Things aren't looking up for this weekend, either, and I'll be taking the hardest test to date next Monday.

*sigh*

I really miss my son. We used to play so often. We'd play outside, have lunch in the yard and swing afterward, read book after book after book before naptime, practice signing together, play the piano together, make my bed together. I realized this last weekend that I have to consciously force myself not to hurry him along, pick him up and carry him instead of letting him go at his own pace. I force myself to read a book with him before bedtime and laugh at his antics instead of shushing him. I no longer let him help me fold the laundry or empty the dishwasher - it takes too long. I leave him in his room for as long as possible every morning, just trying to get in one more minute of sleep or study. For some reason, I've placed Grayson last on my list of things worth spending time on. Now that my time is so valuable, he's become even less so. It broke my heart to realize it.

That's not the kind of mom I want Grayson to have, and that's not the kind of mom I want to be. So I started changing today. We had fun when we got home from school and day care. We danced to the radio, including our favorite, "If I Could Turn Back Time", and he practiced his latest move - 'jumping' in place - for at least 20 minutes. He helped me empty the garbage, and we mated socks together. It was so much better than waiting until after he'd gone to sleep to do it. I didn't open a single book tonight, didn't fill out a single flash card. I have a quiz tomorrow and a test on Wednesday, but you know what? Meriting a "B" is going to get me the same degree earning an "A" will, so as long as I know my stuff and pass my boards, I'm not going to sweat it if the primary molars have oblique ridges or not. I have more important things, and people, to spend my time on.