I'm THAT mother

I lost Grayson in Kohl's yesterday.

We were looking for a new pair of shoes for him and I had unstrapped him from the seat so he could walk around a bit, go up on his tip-toes, and see how they fit. We found a pair we liked (unbeknownst to me they were 25 bucks!) and he sat down to take them off while I started putting shoe boxes back on the shelves. He started walking away from me, down the aisle, and I asked him to come back. He turned back to me for a minute, but then I saw 'the look' and he took off running in the opposite direction.

You see, Grayson gets this impish, mischievous look when he wants you to chase him or tickle him or throw him around. If you ignore 'the look' for too long, he'll start pulling on your hand, begging you to "get me, Mom" or "chase me, Dad" or whatever it is he'd have you do to him. It's very endearing, generally. But not this day. Not in Kohl's.

I just happened to be sitting cross-legged on the floor while I was sorting out the discarded shoes, so by the time I got up to follow him, he was turning the corner at the end of the aisle. I turned the corner about 15 seconds later, but poof!

He was already gone.

I quickly strode past all the shoe aisles, scanning up and down. No Grayson.

I thought I heard a crash across the main aisle in housewares, so I scanned those aisles as well. No Grayson.

I started calling his name as I headed back to shoes, expecting to hear his little voice pipe up, "I right here!" like he does when we're playing at home and I pretend I can't see him. Still no Grayson.

I started panicking. He disappeared so quickly, I just knew someone had taken him. He was probably already outside now, headed toward her car. He wouldn't be screaming if she offered him candy when she picked him up. Does she have a car seat for him? What am I going to tell Josh? Am I going to have to do an interview for the news? Will anyone empathize with me, or will I 'get what I deserved'? Will witnesses give their testimonials that the other woman seemed like his mother? She kept him happy, smiling all the way through the store as she carried him out the door without blinking an eye. When he's with me, he screams "Help me, Dad!" while I try to bend his legs and force his feet through the legs holes so I can strap him into the cart. Without fail, when he realizes I'm about to do up the buckle, he looks at me so angry, yet defeated, and cries, "No, Mom, please, no strap!" in one last futile attempt at freedom. We make for quite the show.

By this time I had searched textiles and women's bras as well. Still no Grayson. I went back to shoes to see if he had magically reappeared when I suddenly thought to say a prayer. God was kind enough to answer me and it was good news! I immediately knew Grayson hadn't been taken and was just wandering the store. I also knew he wasn't scared and that everything would be all right.

I saw a worker in shoes and asked him to radio for help for me to find my son. He directed me to a register to have the woman there call it in. I totally butted in line (sorry lady) and asked her what I was supposed to do if my son was lost in the store. The worker called a 'code yellow' (description: 2-year-old boy with dirty blonde hair and a bad haircut; wearing gray shirt, gray shorts, and white tennis shoes with the tags still on) and instructed me to stay there so they could bring him to me when they found him. Instead, I parked my diaper bag at an empty register and started walking toward the registers on the other side of the store. I must have had the 'my little boy is lost and I don't know whether I'm going to cry or beat him to a pulp' look on my face because a worker walked up to me and said, "He's over here."

Grayson was standing in the entry way by the far registers. I don't know how long he had been there, but when he saw me he started laughing and ran into the juniors section. I sighed, a worker darted after him, another said, "Wow, he's fast!" and another customer said, "Oh, it's so hard to see the short ones through all the racks." She smiled at me and told me she'd lost her son once before. I can’t say I felt better, but I did manage to feel less stupid.

We eventually made it home. Because Grayson had run through the store wearing the $25 shoes, they came home with us too. I didn’t cry and I didn’t beat Grayson when he was finally back in my arms. I just held him. Tightly.

I’m still THAT mother who will wrestle her toddler into the cart seat no matter how loudly he screams. The one who will let people cut in front of her in the checkout when her cart is full and they only have a couple of items. The one who will compliment a store’s management when she has a good experience. The one who will kiss her boy and tell him how much she loves him for as long as he’ll let her.

But I’m now also THAT mother who will ask God and others for help, and thank them profusely when it’s given. The one who will be slow to judge other parents for mistakes they may have made, knowing she's made plenty herself. The one to spring for $25 shoes every once in a while because hey, Grayson can really move in those puppies. The one that remembers no matter how crazy he makes me, Grayson is the apple of my eye, and I want nothing more than for him to be safe, healthy, and happy.

I want to know...

...why isn't it hip or cool to save up the money to get things done instead of financing every last little wish on your list?

Josh and I want to buy a home, we save 20% down. We want to put me through school, we put that money aside and don't touch it. We want to upgrade our water heater and a/c unit, we save for it now - can't use the school money, it's already been spent. Won't use the salesman's "6 months same as cash" selling tactic - we don't know what's going to happen to us financially in the next six months, so it would be stupid to spend money we haven't yet earned.

To me, it's simple (and there might be only 2% of the population that actually functions this way), so why does the United States of America, the very country that was founded on freedoms of every kind, choose to spend money it's not yet earned? What has this country been teaching its citizens? Why would our country choose the burden of indebtedness?

Debt does not feel good. I have gone into debt three times in my life - I financed $9k of my car in 2003 after I finished paying off $6k in student loans. I paid as much as I could every month because I hated the feeling of not being in control of my own finances (my 4-year car loan was paid in full after two years had passed). Josh and I now owe a bank about 78% of the purchase price of the home we live in. I hate that feeling, too, but it's pretty hard to save up enough money to purchase a home outright, at least the first time around.

Deficit spending baffles me. Very little of it may be necessary once in a very great while, but at some point in time Big Daddy USA is going to have to man up and realize it can't give everyone everything they want.

Now, as long as Josh and I keep our health, we'll be good to go. Like most others, we're just one debilitating disease away from bankruptcy. I can't believe a country as great as ours can allow its citizens to lose everything and then some because of the cost of treating a disease. It just doesn't make sense. We shouldn't have to deficit spend to ensure people get the life-sustaining treatments and medications they need. Maybe our country is spending its money on the wrong things? Certainly there's a better way for everyone involved. Anyone know what it is?

No more excuses

There is no good explanation for my last blog post being about what Grayson ate for dinner that evening, or the one before to feature a batch of cookies I had made (but man, were they good!). I have much more important things to share about my son and our lives as they pass by one day at a time. I guess I'm just doing odd things when I finally make the time to post something.

School will not keep me too busy to write down how cute it is when Grayson comes up to us and says "Hold you" the way Cade used to do when he was the same age. The fact that my computer died and nearly took 6-7 months worth of pictures with it (although it did manage to destroy most of our videos) will not stop me from telling you that Grayson didn't make it to just 22 months without his first trip to Instacare (stitches). Vaseline head, home purchase, the holidays and a new room in the basement - there's so much you've missed!

So...following this post will be several highlights I never bothered posting before. Pictures will accompany when available. But first I need to go check out what the kid's up to. Last time I saw him he was 'working on' Josh's extra computer with a screwdriver, but I just now heard the piano. Cross your fingers I'm not going to regret leaving him alone to blog for a few minutes.

Insatiable

Grayson's dinner tonight:

• 3/4 cup of leftover casserole
• 1 container of spinach and cheese raviolis
• 2 mandarin oranges
• 13 ounces of milk
• 1 slice cheddar cheese
• a handful of Costco animal crackers
• a handful of craisins
• 3 mini doughnuts for dessert

He just kept asking for more. More, more, more. Then he started naming specific things he wanted: cheese, crackers, raisins, cookies. Every time I thought he was done, he threw me for another loop. And when I finally took him out of his chair, there were no crumbs left behind; he didn't hide a single thing. My baby was hungry. Little pig.

mmmm...cookies

Steps to achieve the most delicious peanut butter cookies ever.

1. Live with Shaneil for a spell.
2. Get her to give you her peanut butter chocolate chip cookie recipe.
3. Mix all the ingredients up in your Kitchen-Aid.
4. Take the dough: and make it into little balls that you roll in sugar and flatten with a fork.5. Cook them.
6. Cool them.7. Love them.