Ugh.

The snow outside is depressing me. So is the laundry that needs to be folded, the baby that won't let me put him down, and the test for which I need to study. And yet I can't bring myself to do much else but contemplate my life. Too much on my mind as of late.

It's become quite difficult for me to recognize the real purpose of life. Gray and I had (until about five days ago) quite the routine going day in and day out - weekends included. Wake up, make bed, eat breakfast, bathe, dress, clean something, eat early lunch, he naps while I study, eat late lunch, play, welcome Josh home, eat dinner, clean up after dinner, get Grayson to bed, spend a bit o' time with Josh, go to sleep. Of course there are several diaper changes (I've the most regular baby I've ever known), phone calls, errands, laundry loads, and other time-consuming activities (cooking, shopping, class, church obligations) thrown in there, but I still find myself shocked at how much free time I don't seem to have. I know I could get an extra 1 1/2 hours out of each day if I could figure out how to get Grayson to feed himself without making a complete mess, but it's constant cleanup for now.

Anyway, I've begun to feel like my 'free time' has been dwindling over the last month. Instead of blogging, I'm pulling Grayson out of cupboards, holding ice on his latest bump, and cleaning up his toys. Instead of pulling weeds and planning this year's garden, I'm waxing cheese and scouring the ads for good deals on food storage items. Instead of leisure reading, I'm studying food labels and googling new recipes for chicken. Valiant endeavors? Yes, of course. But shouldn't I be able to do it all?

Maybe I spend too much time keeping my home clean. Maye I spend too much time studying for tests. Maybe I spend too much time trying out new recipes and stocking my pantry. Who knows? But the real question is...do I want to do all of this plus toss full-time dental hygiene school into the mix?

Honestly, I'm not sure I do. My Microbiology class this semester is difficult - more difficult than I remember Anatomy or Physiology being - and I would love to be able to dismiss it entirely and focus 100% on my family. I won't because that would be a terrible waste of $1000 and all the time I've spent succeeding in it thus far, but as of this moment, I can't imagine doing it for another two years.

I'm 32 years old and I've only recently embarked on the adventures of marriage and motherhood. A lot of people are done having babies by the time I finally started. I am at least 10 years older than the majority of students in my class. I almost feel like I'm ripping myself off by splitting my efforts between family and education - how much has Josh suffered since I've been in school? How much do my studies suffer since I've had a baby? Have I become a jack of two trades, mastering neither?

It seems so easy for other women. Either they have time on their side or their husbands have the job and degree they want and they don't need to plan for future changes. Is that reality, or have I once again fallen into the trap of comparing myself with others?

I have now spent one hour of my very valuable free time organizing these thoughts in my brain and writing them down. I am glad I did. Yes, I have about 20 unfinished blog posts, but this suddenly became more important to me than posting pictures of Grayson's first (and last!) hair cut. I will now fold the kitchen towels, hang up the jeans to dry, and start a load of whites. Once that's done, I will share a snack with Grayson, play with him for an hour, then spend the last hour before I leave for class studying for my test. And when this class ends in one month, I will have to decide what the real purpose of my life is.

All Things Gray

My sweet baby is no longer a baby, it seems. He started taking small, independent steps back in December, but finally ventured out and actually walked on January 22. How do I remember something that long ago? I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget to blog about it. Josh stopped by the house to eat lunch in between sites that afternoon and we were talking in the kitchen when suddenly Grayson let go of the island and took three steps into the middle of the kitchen with no help or prodding. Josh made Grayson practice all night while I was at school so that we could record him walking the next day. You can imagine that he mastered it quickly with that kind of hard-core training.

Runway Practice, January 23

Grayson is a very generous little boy. He loves putting his Cheerios in my mouth and wiping my face after I'm done eating them. He offers me multiple sips of whatever he's drinking, and even pours water from his bath on me. He tries to brush my hair and read me his books. He doesn't mind knocking down the towers I build with his blocks, making cleanup so much easier. He's really such a thoughtful fella.
I know most babies love music, but Grayson SERIOUSLY. LOVES. MUSIC. He will come running from another room if he hears the radio. He enters the room, grinning wildly, then abruptly stops in his tracks and begins bouncing away. If he's sad for a minute and you need a quick distraction, just turn on some tunes. He immediately forgets that you took whatever object of his mouth and starts jiving. He's come down with a combination arm dancing/bouncing maneuver that just cracks me up. He loves to play the piano, but in an effort to preserve its pristine condition, we got him a small drum and xylophone instead, both of which he enjoys pounding on nearly as much.

Dancin' Fool, February 14

Grayson's personality has just skyrocketed. I dare say we recently entered the realm of the terrible twos because this baby can offer some serious meltdowns when he wants to. Should I make the mistake of taking something from him that he was not ready to part with, I will definitely know of his displeasure. He occasionally tells me 'no' when I do something he doesn't like, saying 'no no no no' and waging his little finger at me while doing so. I had no idea I was a finger wagger until now!

But overall he seems as happy and content as he was as a little baby. Poor thing is so happy all the time it's hard to tell when he's sick. Last week he seemed a little grumpy with a slightly runny nose and tons of saliva so I chalked it up to him finally cutting his molars. When Grayson held a fever for two days, though, I took him into the doctor on Friday to make sure he was okay. Turns out that while he is cutting four molars right now (two have since broken through), he had a double ear infection as well! I felt so bad that I'd waited to take him in, but honestly, he was just acting like he was teething, nothing more. I guess a year of parental duties haven't completely prepared me for the unexpected, but I'm working on it.

Table Dancing, January 20

Going out, January 23Birthday lunch, February 2
This chair is just right, February 3

First (and last) experience with mac 'n cheese, February 9

My light

With the way I've blogged the last two months you'd never guess Gray celebrated his first Christmas and sampled his first birthday cake. You wouldn't know that he walks like it's nobody's business, dances a serious jig, sleeps through the night, takes semi-regular naps, opens every drawer and cupboard in the house that isn't glued shut, and has become feistily independent. The lack of blogging doesn't mean I don't love him, though. It just means he keeps me on my toes and I'd rather spend my time dancing alongside him than perched in front of my computer screen. He is the best part about my day. Grayson, I love being your mommy more than you'll ever know. I love you!

Future hygienist?

I know I've been out of commission since February began, but it's been for good reason. First, I threw two birthday parties for Grayson which resulted in a total of three thorough house cleanings and a steady stream of dishes for days afterward. Second, my Microbiology class this semester is extremely difficult and I've been spending a lot of my free time studying and on my labs. Sadly, I only got an 89 on our first test, but the class average was a mere 67 so I must still be a good student. The high score on the test was a 95 so it's not impossible to ace his tests - I just need to study a little bit harder next time.

In the middle of everything, I needed to take the HOAE by February 13 to finish my application to this year's dental hygiene program. Taking that test turned out to be a bigger hassle than everything else combined. It takes nearly 2 1/2 hours to take the test and of course it's only offered during day hours. Couple that with an hour's drive round trip to the campus and back and either Josh needed to stay home from work one day or I'd have to get a babysitter for four long hours.

After several failed attempts of arranging my free time with my class, with Josh's work schedule, and with our other obligations, I finally made it down to take the test on Friday - the last day the test was available. I must be one of the freaks that has good luck instead of bad luck on Friday the 13th because I scored in the 90th percentile for nonverbal and the 99th percentile in all the remaining subjects - verbal, arithmetic, academic aptitude, spelling, reading comprehension, the natural sciences, and the vocational adjustment index. As it turns out, no one is placed in the 100th percentile, even if they miss no questions (like me). Yay!

So it looks like I'll have an excellent chance at getting into the 2009 program. Which is what I was told last year when I got denied for taking the wrong Chemistry class. I should know by mid-April what the next couple of years hold for me. If I don't get in this year we've decided we're going to scrap the whole thing and just focus on family. Josh and I aren't spring chickens anymore and we don't necessarily want Grayson to be an only child. We know that our ultimate goal of furthering Josh's education will work out when it's supposed to.

Dear Wells Fargo

So you all probably think I'm quick to complain and not as quick to compliment, but I promise that's completely contrary to the way I operate. I actually love giving praise to a person or company moreso than giving criticism (but you'd better believe that life is much more pleasant for you if you stay on my good side). In fact, it should be stated that during my call to Albertson's 877 number Monday night, I told LaTonya that I wanted to make it very clear that I have never been mistreated by anyone at that Albertson's store before that evening, and she actually let me file two compliment reports (if you want to call them that) about other workers. Brandon and Braydon, you are the most helpful grocery store workers ever!

But let's rewind to last week - or rather, a few years ago. When Josh and I married, we added my name to his banking accounts at America First Credit Union for a variety of reasons, but I never closed my Wells Fargo accounts because I'm lazy and there are many more WF branches lurking around than AFCU branches. I've had my WF accounts since 1996 - back when it was a First Security account (before WF bought them out).

When we moved to Las Vegas, we figured we'd have to go with WF because AFCU is only in Utah. It just so happened that there was a WF in a shopping complex less than a mile from our house - perfect, except that every single person at that branch was terribly rude. I've never known any customer service personnel more focused on making things as difficult as possible for their customers as that entire branch. It was absolute torture to do the simplest of tasks there, and I didn't go in more than 1-2 times per month. Luckily for us, a few months later we embraced the beauty that is ING Direct and linked our WF and AFCU checking accounts to our ING accounts. We dumbed down the WF account as much as possible and only kept the checking account out of the necessity of having a local branch to make deposits to. But as quickly as those deposits posted, we transferred them to ING, so we've not kept a balance of more than $25 in WF since June 2006.

Anyway, when we moved back to Utah, we planned to close the WF account completely, use AFCU for our deposits and keep ING for everything else. But once again, there is a WF branch much closer to my house (same shopping plaza as the Albertson's), and the nearest AFCU is almost 2 miles away, so I haven't closed the account. And I'm glad, because as I've made sporadic deposits here and there over the last 16 months, I've learned that...

My new Wells Fargo branch is full of nice people. REALLY nice people. Almost sickeningly nice. They want my business and they'll go out of their way to make sure I'm always taken care of and promptly. I love it. They coo over Grayson and always offer me a pen and a sucker when I use the drive-up window. I ♥ them.

Ironically, I told them these things just last week. An exceptionally nice girl helped me at the window and when my transaction was complete I asked her if the manager was available. After noting her deer-in-headlights look, I assured her it wasn't anything bad, I just wanted to pay her a compliment. And I did. A big one. I told the manager about my branch in Vegas and suggested that she take her staff down there and teach them how to treat their customers. I told her I don't expect the red carpet considering I don't really use any of their services and only keep a very small amount of money in my account, but I appreciate it anyway. After referring to myself as an 'unimportant customer' she quickly interrupted me and assured me I was NOT unimportant. Then she apologized for interrupting.

Fast forward one week and lookit what arrived in the mail today (no, not Grayson, the card he's holding): It's a card from Wells Fargo thanking me for my business. It says, "Thank you so much for your feedback today. We wanted to let you know how much we appreciate your business. Thank you again." Jodi signed it. Melissa signed it. Crystal Hanson signed it. Somebody Campbell signed it. Even a doctor signed it! And most of them also included their own little diddy to me. So in summary I just want to say that Wells Fargo, although I won't be making you my primary banking institution any time soon, you just scored some really big points with me. I'm going to remember this.