My Amanda

Hey everyone.

Please know this - I'm not sad, upset, depressed, or angered over the birth of my daughter or my decision to place her for adoption. Nor am I complacent, ambivalent or nonchalant about my circumstances. My decisions and my daughter are all important parts of my past, my present and my future. I am truly a blessed individual. I am happy.

K, so there are some pics - December, 2001. That's my little girl. She's all mine. In the sombrero pic, she looks just like I did as a little girl, and I looked an awful lot like my mother when she was growing up.

I apologize if I sound morose and stricken with a heart-wrenching "Poor Pity Paige" fest every time I blog. I'm not that way in real life. Generally speaking, I'm a happy person. My great fault is emotion, however. I described myself once as feeling whatever it is I feel with all of my heart, all of the time. This means when I'm happy, I'm elated. When I'm sad, I'm hollow inside. Unfortunately, I fill my emptiness with depressing thoughts and imaginings. I'm very good at feeling sorry for myself.

I feel like I'm off track now. How can I recap the weekend's events after posting this? I will catch up with you tomorrow.