Friday, December 6, 2002

Chicken? No thanks.

wow. it's been a while, hasn't it? just returned from the PF - my second-to-last shift. i can still hardly believe i'm leaving this place. four years, and i'm leaving without the blink of an eye. will i change? what has changed? why now, six months after i had the first impression that i should go, why do i now find the courage to do so? i don't believe i'm running - from anything, really. am i running to something instead? i don't think so, as there's technically nothing waiting for me when i finally get there. it's December 6, a Friday night, and tomorrow i will be unemployed. why would someone choose to do that? i'm not bored. am i unfulfilled? i suppose it's faith, my friend. merely faith.

life is definitely not an adventure for me. i choose to live moderately. i take no chances, and therefore, never risk failure. i go where i think it is safe to go. i don't feel like i'm missing out on life, though, so don't get me wrong. what i'm really trying to say is baby steps, Paige. i'm taking baby steps. i can't up and move far, far away to Cali or Vegas or something like that; but i can move to SLC, where i have family, friends, familiarity. yes, i'm a chicken, and yes, i'm okay with that.

so the plan is to go to NY to visit Elton late Sunday night for a few days. get home Friday, the sister gets married Saturday, then i'm free to go wherever i want to, because i'll be without job or home or security. it will be different, but different is good.