Cancun!

Do any of you remember that one post, a long time ago, when I commented that my husband's work ethic was the thing I hated to love about him? If you don't, here's the lowdown...Josh travels a lot for work and occasionally works late during the week. I often refer to myself as a 'work widow', and with good cause. He misses some family gatherings and nights out with friends when he's on-call. He's the Senior FSE for this area, so even though there are two other guys to help out when necessary, Josh is the primary go-to guy. When a hospital has a problem, Josh is the first to hear about it. It usually isn't much of a problem, though, just an inconvenience. I have Grayson to keep me company now, and we always like the extra cash overtime and on-call brings in. But today we got word that Josh has earned the ultimate reward.

My husband is a member of the President's Club. And as such, Josh's job wants to send us to Cancun! On their dime! And Grayson can go, too!

This is totally new territory for us. We haven't taken any real vacations since we were engaged because we're constantly putting any extra money into the 'house downpayment fund' (which we hope to cash out later this year, if Cherlyn really decides to sell this house!). The trip is short, just May 22-May 25, but that's perfect for my summer school schedule (Mon-Wed). And we can add extra days if we want to, but I'm just not sure about international travel and vacation with a 3-month-old.

So, do we dare take Grayson with us to Cancun? I know I can leave him here with my brother's family and just pump in Cancun to keep up my milk supply. If we go, do we dare add a couple of extra days? If we take Grayson, will he need any special shots before or after the trip? How do I get there if my passport shows Paige H and not Paige G?

So much to consider, so short an attention span. A few things are certain, though: I want Josh to go. He deserves it. And I'm going, whether Josh or Grayson go or not. I also deserve it. Yay for us!

Get a Job?

Not much to say, but thought I'd check in and say hello. We're going to Utah to spend some time with both of our families over Memorial Day - yay for automatic vacation days and families!

I've been thinking about getting a part-time job this summer, for a lot of reasons. I'm only taking one class, so I have lots of free time I didn't have before, and Josh is gone a lot now, working up in Utah. And we recently discovered that when I'm bored, I spend money. Money we don't want me to spend. I did the first half of May's budget, and I had already spent the entire monthly allowance for entertainment, and we're still in the hole from April's gifts (but Josh lets that one slide because of my New Year's Resolution not to miss a single family member's birthday - so far so good!).

Anyway, any money I overspend comes directly out of our 'House Fund' which always makes us cringe because we both desperately want to own a house and we haven't saved enough for a down payment yet. Housing is a bit cheaper in Utah, but not drastically, so we've still got a ways to go. Throw in that we now pay state tax in Utah where we weren't paying it in Nevada and suddenly we can't save as much as we used to. With gasoline going up, milk at $2.50 a gallon, and Nevada Power increasing rates by 11% effective June 1, it's gonna be another financially miserable summer in Vegas, baby. Blech.

Which brings me back to the part-time job thing. It would only be for June-September, so what kind of job should I look for? I'll feel really bad about finding a job, getting trained for it, then taking off after only a few months, so I don't want it to be a critical job that will screw the company when I quit, but I do feel like I need to get employed and do it quickly. Any suggestions?

ps...Married!

Oh, my, my. I got married September 2. 'Tis true that I, a 28-year-old commitment-phobe, finally agreed to live life for someone else. I'm no longer single - no singleness in decisions, in finances, in family, or in goals. Change is coming so quickly and the inevitability of it makes me feel trapped. I put in a notice of my intent to leave SkyWest at the end of the month. Josh already lives in our small apartment in Vegas, and I'll join him sometime next week. But who will I meet and befriend when I finally live there? What kind of job should I get? How long will we stay there? I am more scared than ever of what life now holds. I have so many questions that can only be answered with "We'll see."

Life has been treating me well, though. Our 5-month engagement was filled with laughter and good times. Our honeymoon cruise to the Eastern Caribbean was incredibly fun, and I delighted in the love and support of many people I cherish at our wedding celebrations. I am literally the princess of Josh's world. He will do anything for me if I only ask it of him. I don't believe I've been loved with such intensity by any other.

Inside myself

when i first began posting, i posted every day. i couldn't wait to get here and let it all out. but now things have changed, i'm a bit more blah in my attitude, priorities have caused my time to be spent working my way down from the top of a list. my price? a connectedness to myself, which i felt some time ago, now gone.

my last day is Tuesday, November 26, but i'll be paid through the 30th. i will also get compensated for all of the vacation time i've accrued that i never took, which will be VERY nice, because i need the cash.

the latest...i am wholly unmotivated to respond to email lately. i was really good about it for a while, now nothing. i think i've become selfish. i should stop, but for now i want to indulge myself. my selfishness brings with it a desire to free myself (since i'm unemployed as of December 1) and do some of the things i want to do before i die. Elton moved to New York for a month or so and i'd like to go visit and see another broadway show for his birthday. maybe i should get info on studying abroad and live in some Latin country for the next four months until i master Spanish. Nate said he'll go to Ecuador with me next summer, after he's done climbing in Peru. maybe i should just get a waitressing job instead of a real job for a while so i can do the Europe trip with the roomies, hit France again with Doug, vacation in Pennsylvania for a week. for some reason, i've always wanted to go to Pennsylvania. Jed is moving back to Utah in January, and we think it would be fun for me to buy a one-way ticket to Florida and road trip it back with him. imagine New Year's Eve in Orlando. i definitely need to bring in the new year with a bang this year. i'm 25, and my last few new year celebrations have absolutely sucked.

all day long yesterday i thought about Amanda. she'll be three years old one month from yesterday - December 21. what can i give her for the last birthday present she'll receive from me until we meet again, in another 15 years? what do i want my final words to be? how do i want to make my final impression? i want to make her proud. i want her to see me as happy, successful woman, confident in my decisions, comfortable with myself. but do i want to lie? i don't consider myself successful, although i am comfortable with myself. i have zero confidence in my decisions, but i'm pretty sure i'm a happy individual. i want her to know she came equipped with very capable genes - intellectual, physical, emotional and spiritual - but for all i can say to her, what will she believe? what's truth and what's wishful thinking? who am i, where am i headed, what have i accomplished? the answers to these questions are what frighten me, but what's worse is i find myself so scared of 'certain' failure that i dare not change them. this is the part where being 'frightened into mediocrity' comes into play...