Trying to be like Jesus

Grayson participated in his first Primary program the end of September and did an incredible job. He not only learned his part, he memorized a lot of the other Sunbeams' parts as well. He still recites them to me occasionally. It's very endearing.

Anyway, today Grayson was climbing the shelves in the pantry to get into the gum and he accidentally knocked a sealed jar of salsa to the floor, waking the baby and leaving me a giant mess to clean up. I put him in time-out for climbing the shelves while I cleaned up. I then proceeded to gather all the candy and gum from the top shelf to throw away because he's been climbing up those shelves for years and one day he's going to do some serious damage. Apparently that made him pretty angry, so he shut the pantry door and turned off the light, blockading the door so I could not get out. I am obviously stronger than he is (for now) so I shoved open the door and promptly spanked him. I put him back in time-out and fumed about what a snot he is while we both cooled off.

I went in to his room and we talked about why he got spanked. We talked about how he felt when I said I was going to throw away his candy without asking and about how I felt when he locked me in the pantry. We both agreed that it would be better for us to only do nice things to each other from now on. I finished by apologizing for losing my cool and asked him if he'd forgive me for spanking him. He thought for a moment then said, "Yes, Mom, I forgive you." 

I thanked him for forgiving me and asked him if I could have a hug. We hugged tightly for about two seconds when he pulled away and exclaimed, "Mom! It's just like Dillon's part!" I looked confused so he kept talking excitedly: "My part is 'He showed us the way to be baptized.' Dillon's part is 'He forgave who hurt him.' You hurt me, and I forgave you, so I am just like Jesus!"

And he really is. He's a great example of forgiving others instead of holding a grudge, being helpful and kind to everyone, and trying to obey. He is such a loving little man and I am grateful for his sweet example. I love you Grayson!

Gray's life

Working out - December 3, 2010

I've been missing my boys this week - far too much studying and not enough playing 'round these parts. I feel like my stress level has been way above normal since I got my appendix out. Couple it with the normal stresses of finals and the holidays, and I've been no fun to be around. I'm tired. My body aches. I can't shake this head cold. And there's no time to bake. It's horrible.

But I needed to take a sec to post about my sweet Grayson. He will drive me absolutely crazy one moment and the very next he is melting my heart. He is so dang opinionated! He will stumble out of bed in the morning and if he's in a good mood he says, "It's sunny time!" even if it's still dark outside. But if he's grumpy, he says, "It's NOT sunny time Mom!" in a very grumpy voice. If he likes something I say, he takes credit for it, but if he doesn't like it, he'll argue it until I'm chasing him around the house and we're both laughing. If I tell him it's time for a bath and he doesn't want to take one, he'll say, "I told you Mom, it's NOT time for a bath." But if he wants to take one, he says, "I told you Mom, it's time for a bath." It's so freaking adorable and completely maddening at the same time.

When I'm talking to someone and Grayson needs to tell me something he will yell, "Mom, I need talk to you!" even if it's Josh that has my attention. It's cute now, but we're definitely going to have to work on waiting to speak to Mom when she's already engaged in conversation. When I see his poop face, I ask him if he wants to run to the potty so he can get a sticker for his potty chart to earn a car. He yells at me to go away, but when he's finished, he's all smiles and asks me if he can go potty. He'll sit on the toilet for a minute then announce, "I finished!" and there will be nothing in the toilet bowl. I'm not sure he'll ever potty train, and he's almost three years old.

Grayson LOVES candy, especially 'gum candy' which is what he calls chewy candy (taffy, tootsie rolls) versus 'candy' which is hard candy (candy canes, suckers, Nerds). I think he's actually pretty clever for coming up with that. He loves to do happy/sad faces and will ask you to be one or the other hundreds of times in a row. When he wants to 'get you' he wil step back, get down like a football blocker and come full-speed toward you. I actually get kind-of scared that he's going to hurt me! He loves to be chased/scared/thrown around/etc. The greatest latest thing, though, are his prayers. Grayson likes to say his prayers by himself now, without any help, and he does a really good job. He always thanks Heavenly Father for each one of us, for the food (even if we're not sitting down to eat), for our home, and for his footballs and his basketballs. Every once in a while he'll thank God for me twice! He's 100% boy and I love every last little thing about him.

Picture with Lightning McQueen - October 9, 2010

Flashlight nap - October 15, 2010
Remember this? - October 17, 2010
Carving pumpkins - October 22, 2010

DH is my world

I hate that my life revolves around dental hygiene. Grayson fell down at day care last Thursday (eight days ago) and split his chin open on the window well cover. I was stuck in class and got the message an hour later during my lunch. I had ridden the bus down that day and still had three hours of clinic to go, so I called Josh to take him to Instacare. Once again, very lucky Josh now works from home, but I was secretly jealous of him and kinda sad about the whole situation.

I know it's not practical, but I couldn't help but feel like the mom is supposed to be the one taking her kids to the dentist and the ER and things like that. I know it's ridiculous to not be appreciative that not only is my husband able to do it, he's willing, because a lot of people may not get that, but I still felt cheated and useless in a way. However, I recognized the time constraints for me to get there in a timely manner, the lack of true emergency (he did this last Thanksgiving), and the importance of me being in clinic, so I stayed at school and tried not to think about it.

Anyway, what do I do when all is said and done? I post about Gray's accident on my Perio blog for school and not even my own personal blog! Have I gone crazy? Grandmas need to find out about these accidents online! So here I give you Grayson's perio post from last week:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This morning I told Grayson I was going to come into the office and do my perio blog. He said, "Mom, I need do my perio blog too." except of course he said perio blog really cute and toddler-like. So I thought, yeah, I'll post a pic of my sweet boy's poor mouth. He sat on my lap and watched old Mickey Mouse cartoons on YouTube in one window while I did my post and now that I'm done with it, I told him it's his turn. Of course now he's lost interest, but I still want to do it.

Grayson in the last 1.5 hours: I go Amy's house today? It not nighttime, Mom. I not poopy (he lied). Where Christie car? What this? I make pancakes in fridge (he puts his blocks in small stacks in the fridge and says they're pancakes). That not Cookie, that Elmo! Where Daddy go? -Daddy's working downstairs, honey.- I go work on the 'puter downstairs too (and he marches off all business-like until Josh drags him back upstairs and I get the evil eye for letting him go down there in the first place, heh heh). What this? You're sad, Mom; no, you're happy! I just kidding, Mom. I see the letter O! I need my shoes. Where my frog go? I take a picture for those kids. What this?

It's beyond awesome being a parent, and I totally can't blame Ashley for wanting one. But alla that love just means more heartbreak when you see six stitches in your little boy's chin, a fat lip with a mangled hole in it, and even worse, blood filled tissue underneath his tongue. Definitely something I'd chart on the IO/EO exam.

That yucky

Just gotta put this down while I'm thinking of it...

Gray always wants to try condiments and cooking ingredients. Josh and I have pretty much made it the norm that he can try a small amount of anything he asks for. This includes very obviously disgusting stuff. He's tried unsweetened cocoa powder, red pepper flakes, plain mustard (which he actually likes and will lick directly off the plate), table salt, cooking vanilla, tabasco sauce, and salsa (another like of his).

Anyway, we always have a glass of milk and/or water handy because he squinches his face up real tight and will flail his arms about like he's on the brink of flying once the offending taste touches his tongue. Once he downs 3-4 ounces of this liquid medication, he very seriously and solemly will declare, "That yucky" and so far hasn't asked for that particular item again.

Pretty sweet way of letting him learn on his own, right?

So tonight he asked me for some juice but I said no, it's time to get ready for bed. So he opened up the fridge and brought the lemon juice bottle to me, insisting that he have juice before we brush his teeth. I told him he wouldn't like it - it's very sour Grayson - but he told me, "I do like it, Mom."

Okay, whatever you say dearie.

Lucky for him, I pulled out a teaspoon instead of a glass and poured him a bit. I asked, "Are you sure you want to try this?" and he said yes, reaching for the spoon himself. I told him to open up and I poured it on his tongue.

Instant reaction, classic response. As he reached for his water, I asked him, "That was yucky wasn't it, honey?" After guzzling for a few seconds, he looked me square in the eye and said, "No Mommy. That not yucky. That yummy." then started guzzling again. Wanting to call his bluff, I asked him if he wanted some more since it tasted so yummy. He responded with, "No Mommy. I save for later."

Smart boy.

One of those days

Oh my.

Grayson, sweetie, I love you to pieces. And if I wasn't so tired today from the adventure we had during the night when the rest of the world was sleeping, I might be angry or frustrated with you right now. Maybe you planned it this way; knowing I'd be dragging all day could give you the leg up you've had all morning. Regardless, I couldn't let today finish without letting you know what a handful you've been thus far. And it's only 2pm.

Remember last night around 2:45am when you woke up so sad? And you cried and cried and didn't want to be consoled and told me to go away and then cried for me to come back over and over and over again? I remember. I remember because I was not sleeping. Back and forth between our rooms for nearly an hour. And within 20 minutes of finally falling back asleep you were crying again, so I brought you into bed with me and Daddy. Remember how you insisted on sleeping with your train and I pulled that stupid thing out from underneath me at least three or four times during (the rest of the) night? Yeah, I wouldn't call that a stellar night's sleep.

And then remember this morning during breakfast when you purposefully threw your cereal all over the floor, including the milk? I didn't mind so much because I hadn't cleaned the floors yet. But then you got out your crackers and started shaking the open container upside down to get out every. last. one. after I had just swept. Fortunately the vacuum was still out, so I just sucked up all those zillions of crumbs so I could mop. But then remember when you purposefully followed me around the kitchen while I did mop, walking on the clean, wet areas right after I asked you not to so you wouldn't slip and fall but then you did slip and fall anyway? That was so sad.

And then remember when I was in the shower and I saw you get into the top drawer and pull out the floss and you started pulling it out in big long strands and I begged you to stop and please put it back because it's my favorite kind of floss and Glide can be kinda expensive but instead you ran out of the room and I didn't see you or the floss again until after I was getting dressed and you came back into the room and had unraveled the entire container and were wrapping it around things like a spider's web so I had to untangle it all and then throw it away? Thank goodness I got a 6-pack last time Costco had it on coupon.

And remember earlier when you were so sweet and insistent on helping me vacuum, and you were trying to put the wand back inside the vacuum even though I had it out so I could use the hose to vacuum the stairs and you put that dent in the wall on accident? Don't worry, it's not a very big dent. I'll ask Daddy to fix it sometime.

And then remember when you came into the office while I was doing my online perio assignment and you smelled so strongly of my perfume, and after investigating I had to give you an 'uh-oh' for using the bathroom drawer handles as a ladder, so I sent you to your room while I went to clean up everything only to come back out and find you in YOUR bathroom and you had emptied every drawer and were in the process of pulling out towels and opening the extra bar soaps we had stashed under the sink for guests? At least that was a little easier to clean up than the mess in my bathroom.

But then remember when I was putting away all the stuff from my Primary meeting this morning and I saw you come out of my room (note to self - get a freaking lock for the bedroom door already) with my eyelash curler but I didn't notice any other makeup out of place, so I didn't think anything of it until you asked for a popsicle and I saw all the drawing you had done on your arm, shorts, both legs, and even the bottom of your foot and I asked you to show me where you got it and it was my brown eyeliner and then you showed me the tube of lipstick you'd also taken but fortunately hadn't had the time to use yet? That lipstick sure was a close call. I sure hope the eyeliner comes out of your shorts.
That's pretty much when I decided to write this blog post so I toted you downstairs to get the camera from Daddy so we could take a picture and in the bit of time I've been writing this post you've pulled a variety of items out of the diaper bag and my backpack. I really don't mind that at all, though. It was fun 'talking' on the phone with you, and throwing that orange ball up and down the stairs couldn't have been more entertaining. But man, could you let me build a decently tall tower just once before kicking it over?

But honestly, the best part about this day is now, two hours later, you're nearly lifeless at my feet, crushing that orange ball against my leg as you hold out against the sleepiness that's trying to consume you. I'd love for you to fall asleep because then I could too, and we could spend a couple hours outside later when it's a bit cooler and we won't be crabby.

Yeah, I think I'll go rock you to sleep now if you'll let me. But I have a special request: please keep days like today at a minimum.

I not sad, I happy!

For one of my classes, we're required to write a weekly blog post about experiences we had in clinic during that week. Luckily for me, it gets me into a reflective mood and I actually post a thing or two on this blog as well. Yay for mandatory assignments that benefit my posterity as well!

The bad news is it always leaves me thinking of Grayson and the opportunity cost of me being in this program. I'm not having the best experiences so far this semester and I've noticed it's caused my emotions to run a bit high these last couple of weeks. Josh has been nothing short of amazing this semester so far, and I repaid him with a snippy attitude and short fuse when I got home from school today. Bad wife.

I kissed Grayson tonight as we put him to bed and told him I love him. He responded with, "I love you too." Then he interlaced his fingers in mine and told me, "I love your hand." So innocent, so adorable, so plain and simple, so delightful. I started tearing up. He saw my tears and put his arms around my neck, asking, "You so sad?" His bottom lip began to quiver a bit and I could see how sad he was at the thought of me being sad, and then I really did start to cry. I literally sobbed for about 20 seconds, wrapped in the arms of my tender two-year-old. He held me so tightly, so concerned about me. "Mommy, you crying?" "Why you so sad, Mom?" I honestly didn't want him to let go.

Somehow I was able to compose myself and as I pulled away from him, he worriedly looked into my eyes. I told him I wasn't sad anymore. He asked, "You happy?" because he's smart enough to know that either you're sad or you're happy, period.

So yes, Grayson. I'm happy. You make me happy. I'm happy because you are sweet and silly and brave to the point of stupidity. I'm happy because you're ridiculously smart and healthy. I'm happy because you're so good about eating your dinner and picking up your toys. You have the best facial expressions, and you said "See ya later, sucka" so perfectly to Daddy earlier tonight. I love the way you do monkey face and always know if the stoplight means stop or go. I'm happy because you know I'm Mommy, and Grandma is Grandma, and you correct me when I call her Mom on accident. I'm happy because Miss Amy tells me how nice you are to the other kids and how well you obey her. I'm happy because you're mine and you always will be.

Thanks bud, for making me so happy. And for reminding me why I am.

I'm THAT mother

I lost Grayson in Kohl's yesterday.

We were looking for a new pair of shoes for him and I had unstrapped him from the seat so he could walk around a bit, go up on his tip-toes, and see how they fit. We found a pair we liked (unbeknownst to me they were 25 bucks!) and he sat down to take them off while I started putting shoe boxes back on the shelves. He started walking away from me, down the aisle, and I asked him to come back. He turned back to me for a minute, but then I saw 'the look' and he took off running in the opposite direction.

You see, Grayson gets this impish, mischievous look when he wants you to chase him or tickle him or throw him around. If you ignore 'the look' for too long, he'll start pulling on your hand, begging you to "get me, Mom" or "chase me, Dad" or whatever it is he'd have you do to him. It's very endearing, generally. But not this day. Not in Kohl's.

I just happened to be sitting cross-legged on the floor while I was sorting out the discarded shoes, so by the time I got up to follow him, he was turning the corner at the end of the aisle. I turned the corner about 15 seconds later, but poof!

He was already gone.

I quickly strode past all the shoe aisles, scanning up and down. No Grayson.

I thought I heard a crash across the main aisle in housewares, so I scanned those aisles as well. No Grayson.

I started calling his name as I headed back to shoes, expecting to hear his little voice pipe up, "I right here!" like he does when we're playing at home and I pretend I can't see him. Still no Grayson.

I started panicking. He disappeared so quickly, I just knew someone had taken him. He was probably already outside now, headed toward her car. He wouldn't be screaming if she offered him candy when she picked him up. Does she have a car seat for him? What am I going to tell Josh? Am I going to have to do an interview for the news? Will anyone empathize with me, or will I 'get what I deserved'? Will witnesses give their testimonials that the other woman seemed like his mother? She kept him happy, smiling all the way through the store as she carried him out the door without blinking an eye. When he's with me, he screams "Help me, Dad!" while I try to bend his legs and force his feet through the legs holes so I can strap him into the cart. Without fail, when he realizes I'm about to do up the buckle, he looks at me so angry, yet defeated, and cries, "No, Mom, please, no strap!" in one last futile attempt at freedom. We make for quite the show.

By this time I had searched textiles and women's bras as well. Still no Grayson. I went back to shoes to see if he had magically reappeared when I suddenly thought to say a prayer. God was kind enough to answer me and it was good news! I immediately knew Grayson hadn't been taken and was just wandering the store. I also knew he wasn't scared and that everything would be all right.

I saw a worker in shoes and asked him to radio for help for me to find my son. He directed me to a register to have the woman there call it in. I totally butted in line (sorry lady) and asked her what I was supposed to do if my son was lost in the store. The worker called a 'code yellow' (description: 2-year-old boy with dirty blonde hair and a bad haircut; wearing gray shirt, gray shorts, and white tennis shoes with the tags still on) and instructed me to stay there so they could bring him to me when they found him. Instead, I parked my diaper bag at an empty register and started walking toward the registers on the other side of the store. I must have had the 'my little boy is lost and I don't know whether I'm going to cry or beat him to a pulp' look on my face because a worker walked up to me and said, "He's over here."

Grayson was standing in the entry way by the far registers. I don't know how long he had been there, but when he saw me he started laughing and ran into the juniors section. I sighed, a worker darted after him, another said, "Wow, he's fast!" and another customer said, "Oh, it's so hard to see the short ones through all the racks." She smiled at me and told me she'd lost her son once before. I can’t say I felt better, but I did manage to feel less stupid.

We eventually made it home. Because Grayson had run through the store wearing the $25 shoes, they came home with us too. I didn’t cry and I didn’t beat Grayson when he was finally back in my arms. I just held him. Tightly.

I’m still THAT mother who will wrestle her toddler into the cart seat no matter how loudly he screams. The one who will let people cut in front of her in the checkout when her cart is full and they only have a couple of items. The one who will compliment a store’s management when she has a good experience. The one who will kiss her boy and tell him how much she loves him for as long as he’ll let her.

But I’m now also THAT mother who will ask God and others for help, and thank them profusely when it’s given. The one who will be slow to judge other parents for mistakes they may have made, knowing she's made plenty herself. The one to spring for $25 shoes every once in a while because hey, Grayson can really move in those puppies. The one that remembers no matter how crazy he makes me, Grayson is the apple of my eye, and I want nothing more than for him to be safe, healthy, and happy.

Sunshine, you work wonders

Grayson had a slight fever Sunday morning which escalated to 102.8 by early evening. So when he was struggling to breathe when he woke Monday morning and then kept panting and wheezing throughout the day, I took him in to the pediatrician that afternoon. Turns out he has croup. His doctor said the parainfluenza virus has been going around lately and he's not the first croup case she's treated recently. They gave him vaporized epinephrine and an oral steroid and he sounded much better that night before bedtime.

He wasn't very wheezy Tuesday and he broke his fever Monday night, but he was very clingy and whiny and sounded raspy when he would cry. The doc gave me a one-time prescription for the steroid 'just in case' so we filled it Tuesday and he seemed to breathe well through the night (although he wasn't sleeping through the night. Mommy=walking zombie since Saturday).

Wednesday he coughed a lot more and sounded a little congested but mostly he just cried and seemed even more clingy than he was Tuesday. When I say 'clingy' I mean he grips me tightly enough that it semi-chokes me. He's like a little monkey that climbs all over me and freaks out whenever I try to put him down. Even when he takes a break from full-on crying there's a constant whimper that permeates my brain and makes my head hurt. Poor guy. I feel so bad when he's sick. And then I feel guilty for turning on the vacuum to drown him out for a few minutes because I don't know what to do and his incessant noise is driving me bonkers.

Fast forward to today, Friday. Grayson slept through the night last night and hasn't been coughing yet today (although he did sneeze twice). He's playing by himself and isn't insisting I hold him all the time. Why the change? I gave up isolating ourselves yesterday and took him outside to work in the yard for a couple of hours. He loved it. He followed me all around the yard as I sprayed weeds growing in the grass. He tried to put on my gloves and danced while I sang to him. He studied me pulling the crabgrass out of the flower bed and proceeded to help me - grunting as he pulled and all. He even threw his weed (small stem of grass) into my weed pile. It was quite adorable to see my little gardener in action.

Maybe his spirits lifted to know that the weed problem is mine and he'll be too young to have to help for a few more years. Maybe the slight breeze cleared all of that infection out of him. It's more probable that enough time has passed that his body is finally kicking some viral butt, but when I see the slightly pinked hue of sun-kissed skin running over his nose and onto his cheeks, I know it's simply because life is more enjoyable when the sun shines.

All growed up

This afternoon a neighbor girl came over and spent 15 minutes with Grayson and me before I left her in charge of caring for my sweet baby until Josh came home an hour later. Gray was fine - he grinned when she got here and showed her how to hammer his blocks. She was fine, too, and starting talking to and playing with him as soon as she walked through the door.

I was not fine. I was sad. I was sad to see how big he's gotten. So independent. He gave me loves then quickly turned his attention back to Lydia and his toys. How quickly I was forgotten and how heart-breaking it was for me. Grayson was so excited to have someone new to play with he didn't need Ma-ma-ma-ma anymore. I watched him from the doorway for a minute but he didn't notice. So I left for school. I went early so I could stop by the lab and draw pictures of E. coli and Staphylococcus before my lecture began. I got that done with plenty of time to finish my other lab drawings for next week, and got to lecture with enough time to review what we'd covered last week. I wasn't hurried or stressed out. It was a nice change from constantly running behind after the bi-weekly pass-off with Josh.

My boy's usually asleep when I get home at 9pm, and I loathe the nights I don't get to brush his teeth and read him a story. Tonight was one of those nights, and sadly, Grayson didn't need me to be here in order to fall asleep. I shouldn't be, but I'm disappointed - it's just not the same telling a sleeping baby how much you treasure him. So as much as I needed Lydia to come over and help me out for an hour today, I don't plan on making it a regular occurrence. I need my baby to need me. I can't stand that's he's growing up without me.

*tear*

So far not so good

I couldn't resist taking this video this afternoon and posting it here to show all y'all what a failure I am, even when I do let the kid cry himself to sleep. Granted, 40 minutes is a rarity, and yesterday afternoon he cried himself to sleep in 8 minutes (after the first 31-minute attempt failed), but I don't know that I'll ever let him go that long again. I'll probably revert back to my 15-minute limit because it breaks my heart to see him so sad.

Two nights ago, I stayed up until 1 am reading the Baby Wise book that my sister-in-law lent me but I never bothered picking up before now. I read more than half of it only to discover that Grayson's poor sleeping habits are all my fault. It's also my fault that he essentially snacks all day long and often needs to nurse before he can fall asleep. There are so many things I was supposed to do those first three months of his life and I botched every single one. Bad mommy! If only I'd had the energy or time to read the damn book, I'd have known about them and averted these months and months of suffering!

So, Mr. Ezzo, Dr. Bucknam...what does a perpetually exhausted mother do when she's already screwed up the first year of her son's life? Is he doomed to have ADHD? Do I have to finish the book or is the guilt brought on by the first half of the book sufficient?

If that meltdown doesn't kill you, looking at these eyes and listening to his residual gasps for air definitely will.

PS - On the bright side (or not)...I have no idea if Gray's sleeping through the night because I turned the volume on his monitor all the way down last night and the night before. If he's waking to eat or be comforted, he's figured it out on his own, because we don't hear him anymore. But sadly, I find myself waking up several times throughout the night anyway, thinking I hear him. I instantly check the monitor in a semi-panic, so even though I find he's sleeping just fine, it still takes me a bit to calm down and drift back to sleep. Oh, what I'd give for one, just ONE, night of nine consecutive hours of slumber - no interruptions (myself included). Will that day ever come again?

Sleepless in Salt Lake

So I'm pretty ticked right now. This is the THIRD time I've done Grayson's 11-month post and he keeps erasing it for me. Not sure how it happened the first time, but a few minutes ago I highlighted everything to change my font type and size after I finally finished it and wouldn't you know Grayson pressed the space bar and immediately thereafter Blogger was nice enough to automatically save my draft for me. I lost every word, every picture, every video, every bit of punctuation down to the last comma. The only things left were the post title and label.

*sigh*

Needless to say, someone is no longer on my lap and is now throwing a fit that I put him in his crib. And you know what? I don't feel bad for him. I don't feel bad because he's supposed to be sleeping but he won't take a nap. This kid is the WORST SLEEPER EVER. I'm lucky if I get an hour's worth of naps from him in increments throughout the day. He's up at least once and usually twice during the night, and is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed after only 8-9 hours of sleep. Aren't babies supposed to sleep 10-11 hours at night? Seriously, it's no wonder so many women choose to work out of the home. I've contemplated going to work full-time just to get a break, and I have a good baby. I'd probably have sold him off by now if he wasn't so easy-going.

He's still screaming in his room. I know he's not hungry. I know his diaper is clean. I know he is tired. I know he's so upset by now that if I pick him up to console him, I'll be calming him for about 10 minutes before he'll loosen his death grip on my arms. He still won't fall asleep after that, but he'll be calm enough that I might be able to stop holding him and fold the whites. What should I do? I give him 20 minutes to cry himself to sleep when it's obvious he needs a nap, but that only works 1-2 times out of every 5 attempts. Am I supposed to just let him cry until he finally falls asleep no matter how long it takes? And what are some natural remedies for a constant headache besides drinking more water?

Anyway, this post was supposed to be fun and light-hearted but now all I can do is fume. Blah. I guess I'll save the 11-month post for tomorrow when I'm in a better mood.

New Parents' Guide to Babies

Just because the first couple of teeth come in without a hitch,

doesn't mean they all will.

My poor baby has been just miserable for the last 2-3 weeks. His two middle bottom teeth came in so easily and without any real effort or pain. He seemed to be extra droolly for a bit and then viola! there they were. Here are the bottoms on July 29:
Fast forward two months and we find Grayson working really hard on getting those uppers. In addition to the constant salivating and chewing on everything he can get his hands on, he's had a runny nose and been very needy, fussy, and just plain sad. Teething tablets have become the norm at our house and I give him the occasional dose of baby Tylenol when things are really bad.

Thankfully, we're 1/2 of the way done with this round of misery. His left middle top tooth finally broke through about a week ago and a corner of the tooth to its left has already come through, but he's still working on the upper right middle tooth. I put him back in that same outfit today for a comparison shot but he doesn't let me poke at his face or mouth anymore, so I couldn't get a good picture of alla the nonsense that's going on inside his mouth. But you can see the tooth that has come all the way in when he smiles - so cute! But how sad to see how much older he looks now than he did just two months ago. Stop growing up!

Grayson update

Some of my blog-stalkers (aka: college friends and Grandmas that don't leave comments) have requested an update on the kid. Here it is.

Bad Mommy! You don't blog about me enough!

I've regrettably missed journaling some of Grayson's more fantastic feats, like the time I was studying for my Chem final (Aug 4) and I looked over to see he had rolled to the top of the stairs and his left foot was dangling over the top step. That silly baby had to make at least 5-6 complete revolutions to get over there and he did it in less than two minutes. Needless to say, I don't put him and his blanket down behind the couch anymore. Of course, now that he's in the middle of the living room, he just rolls until he bangs his head into said couch (or the coffee table). Fortunately, he's only hit it hard enough to leave a bump one time, and that was just two days ago.

Then there was the one and only (I'm a good enough mommy to learn from my mistakes) time he scooted himself off my bed and onto the floor (Aug 8). Don't worry, nothing broke or bled, though I nearly had a heart attack. I couldn't figure out how he rolled through my pillow blockade so I recreated the situation a few days later and watched for a very long time until I saw him get up on all fours and back his way through the very narrow gap between two pillow corners. Um, yeah...my blockade only works against rolling babies. Not scooting/crawling ones. Sly little fellow, that one!

Grayson still doesn't 'do' baby food, but he loves to eat whatever I am eating and willing to share with him. So far he's enjoyed cantaloupe, zucchini, bananas, grapes, pineapple, and watermelon that way. I guess he thinks he's not getting enough fiber, though, because he also enjoys eating paper and ficus leaves. I didn't realize he ever completely ingested one of the leaves until two days ago (Aug 19) when I caught him red-handed and with a sour look on his face as he kept smacking his mouth and pushing his tongue out. Later that afternoon, I found part of a previously eaten leaf in his diaper. The piece from two days ago showed up in this morning's diaper. Poor baby. Lucky me.

Grayson is a very busy and attentive baby. He cannot keep still for one second - he's always looking around for something to play with or chew on. No matter what's in my hand, he wants it, and he wants it NOW. He lunges for everything and grabs anything he can get his hands on, and boy does that kid have a grip! I'm finally starting to understand why so many new moms get their hair cut. But I love him t h i s much more because of it. His personality is absolutely delightful.

A couple of photos for you to enjoy:

July 27 - Grayson and Grandpa Keith

July 29 - Look! My teeth are big enough that you can finally see them!

August 6 - Sometimes I roll all the way under random objects but Mommy can't get the camera quickly enough to take my picture.
August 10 - Grayson, Uncle Eric, cousin GabriellaAugust 17 - What talent! Sometimes I hold stuff in my mouth so I can use my hands to grab other things I want to play with.

Yes. My baby is crazy.

Children's Books

I just posted this over at The Hip Homemaker Blog, but want as much feedback as possible, so I'm putting it here as well. Feel free to share your books on either blog!

One of my favorite things to do is read to Grayson while I'm feeding him. I feel like it creates an even deeper bond between us, as well as benefits his mental and language development. I have accumulated a very small collection of children's books over the years and they currently sit on the bookshelf in his bedroom. Among them are classic Dr. Seuss books, several by Max Lucado, and of course Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. But how many lesser-known authors am I missing out on?

I'd really like to expand Grayson's library. Tell me, what were your favorite books as a child? What are your children's favorite books? What is the one (or two or three or...) book that no child should live without? All books are welcome - boy books, girl books, board books, educational books, religious books, or just plain silly books! Please leave a comment with the book title and author's name. I want to hear from you lurkers as well! Thanks!

MY RECOMMENDED BOOK LIST:

1. I Like You by Sandol Stoddard Warburg
2. Fanny's Dream by Caralyn Buehner
3. The Missing Piece Meets the Big O by Shel Silverstein

4. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
5. Just In Case You Ever Wonder by Max Lucado

Please, Lord, make him stay little

I think Grayson may be going through a growth spurt. The last couple of nights he has woken after only 5-6 hours of sleep and needed a good 15-20 minute feeding to get him through the last three hours. Interrupted sleep is never good sleep for me. He's also eating for longer periods during the day, greatly reducing my effectiveness at housework (there's only so much laundry a person can fold with one arm), although we've finished reading the Frog and Toad series and will easily finish The Little Prince later today. I've also been pumping every night after he goes to bed, trying to stock up for our little Cancun getaway next week, and I'll tell you, I'm a tired mommy. While it's taking a toll on me physically, however, I dare say the emotional toll is even greater.

My baby is growing up, and I want him to stop. I don't use my Boppy for support while breastfeeding anymore because he's big enough now for my leg or lap to support my arm. He moved into his own room last Saturday, and I can't remember the last time he let us swaddle him for bedtime - he likes having his arms free. He still smiles all the time and talks up a storm, but over the last week, he's begun reaching for and grabbing things - rattles, burp cloths, my shirt and fingers - and eating them. He's really perfected his grip and even holds the sides of the bottle when Josh is feeding him. He's officially outgrown his newborn sleepsack and all of his 0-3 month jammies, and I had to buy him a 3-6 month outfit for Nick's wedding. While all of these changes are exciting, and I'm absolutely in love with his personality, I've found myself missing his younger version, especially during these early morning feedings when it's just Grayson, me, and the memories of not-so-long-ago when getting together to eat at 4am was the norm. Never emotional before, I've found tears now flow easily when I look at my baby.

Here he is in the smallest outfit we took to the hospital when he was born. We didn't realize he'd be so tiny:

2 days old

And here he is just yesterday, wearing that same outfit for the last time. These onesies are just snug enough that it's time to put them away until next time.

14 weeks, 4 days old

Negative Nelly

I hate that my last post has spent so much time at the top of my blog, but I haven't had much to write about this week. I'm not usually that negative - I was just stressed out. I had just spent the entire week without Josh around to give me a Grayson break, and in the meantime I was studying for my nutrition final and preparing for my very first sharing time. Wouldn't you know my Primary partner went out of town last Saturday and she won't be back until May 10? So it was just me and the kiddos during Primary, and I have a couple that frequently misbehave. You can imagine how sharing time went, let alone our class lesson afterward. Top that off with home teachers that never showed up, Josh telling me about the boys in his Teachers class that don't know how to read, and a fellow ward member telling me that of all people, I should understand how hard it is to get back on your feet after having a baby. Excuse me? I had a baby on Saturday, came home Monday afternoon, and my husband went back to work full-time Wednesday morning. Don't tell *me* what I should understand. I didn't get coddled at all and definitely didn't need to be. Ugh! I just had to vent. And the worst part is it's pissing me off again just thinking about it.

Okay, time to change the subject...

Grayson will be graduating to his own room on his 3-month birthday this week! Well, that's only if I finish moving his clothes and other baby items out of our room into his on time, which should be no problem. And Josh has to spray for bugs before he moves in as well. The only thing worse than a spider in my room is one in my baby's room. And before you accuse me of being paranoid, here's a picture of the roommate I had to throw out of Grayson's room a mere nine days ago:
Ugh. I seriously loathe spiders. And those are the wall corners where the crib sits! The good news is that since there was no baby to harm with chemicals, I sprayed that sucker dead with my favorite spider-killer-spray:Yep, Hot Shot Spider Killer. This is the best spider-killer ever. This stuff plus OxiClean Baby make me a happy mommy.

I don't get people

I don't understand why people who can't take care of themselves decide to have kids. And I don't understand why some people do have kids and then don't invest in them. You need to give yourself to your kids. Spend time with them. Talk to them. Cook for them. Read to them. For heaven's sake, at least keep them bathed and in clean clothes. If you don't have the time or the money to raise your children, why are you having them? There is nothing wrong with waiting to be ready to have children. Why is that so difficult to recognize?

And I really don't understand some Mormons. I don't understand why they don't show up on time for home teaching visits, especially when they schedule it before dinnertime. And I don't understand why so many count on the church to teach their children what acceptable behavior is. Parents, you have an entire future to shape, for better or for worse. Please put a little effort into making it the former.

Hey Babe

Josh is training out in New Jersey all this week and told me he's been watching the last couple of Grayson videos over and over again every night because he misses him so much. So I'm posting this as his honorary second life.

My Mom wanted me to tell you "We saw your kid and you didn't, sucka!" when they drove up last-minute for the Jazz game Monday night.Of course, that's not 'exactly' what she said, but close enough. I'm sure she'll call me right away to protest when she reads that.

Nothing exciting happened yesterday, but today has been a riot. Occasionally when he eats, Grayson will fall off to take a breather - usually when he's concentrating on expelling gas. Well, during his first feeding today, he fell off as expected but what happened next was anything but ordinary. I heard something suspicious so checked him out, and oh my, lookit what I found!Yes, that is our baby's poop smeared out of the top of his diaper and up his back. Lucky for everyone reading, I didn't take any detailed pictures. This was his worst blowout to date, hands down. Somehow I managed to get Grayson's jammies off without creating too big of a mess and threw him in the bath. Unfortunately, he doesn't like to do anything but eat when he's hungry, so he did not have a good time getting cleaned up.Still feel like you're missing out?

Anyway, I got Grayson cleaned up, fed him and dressed him for the day. I purposefully put him in the blue outfit that you love because I knew I would write you your own blog entry tonight. After he was dressed, I asked Grayson if he wanted to take over your half of the bed while you're out of town. He thought that was a great idea and wasted no time settling in. Finally, I asked him if there was anything he wanted to tell you, darlin', and true to "H" form, he went on and on and on and... (Sorry if I ruined it by talking over him at times - I was just trying to encourage him!)

I know we just spoke on the phone, and I need to get this published so you can read it tonight before you go to bed, but I thought I'd let you know that I narrowly escaped rolling over the soybean that popped out of its shell while we were talking. Grayson is done eating, burped like a champ, and fell fast asleep on my chest. Just like it was yours.
I guess Grayson gets his double chin from me, eh? We love you and can't wait for you to come home!

New Parents' Guide to Babies

Tip Three: Even if you're not the emotional type, chances are you'll cry when you take your newborn in for his first vaccinations.

I started crying long before the imminent threat of shots was near - and that's not like me. I didn't cry when Josh proposed, when we got married, or when Grayson was born. I'm just not a crier. But put me in a room where my newfound love is unknowingly approaching a pain he's not yet felt, coupled with the fact that I'm the one enabling such a horrific experience, and my eyes turned into waterfalls. We got checked in yesterday, got Grayson weighed and measured, and sat waiting for the doctor to come in. My eyes started tearing up and the guilt I felt was almost overwhelming. I'm pretty sure my poor baby could tell something was wrong because he started fussing, making me even more emotional.

The pediatrician did his best to console me, but it wasn't until the nurse told me I had to 'be strong for Grayson' that I was able to pull it together and go through with it. Poor kid was just lying there, cooing at me while I held his arms down, when all of a sudden the nurse stuck a needle in his right thigh, his face registered shock then screwed up in pain, and he cried out. Actually, it was more of a wail, and he kept right on wailing through the second and the third shot. I felt terrible! Less than two minutes later he was totally fine, but I was still a wreck. Needless to say, he got an awful lot of attention from both Josh and I last night as we compensated for being such mean parents, and it seems Grayson has completely forgiven us. Thank goodness babies are so emotionally resilient. Too bad we don't stay that way.

You know...

...you love your baby when you're willing to stop eating all things yummy, just to save his poor tummy the discomfort of insane amounts of gas.

And you know your husband loves you when he rolls his eyes just once upon finding your stockpile of Cadbury Mini-Eggs, just so you'll have the pleasure of indulging once your son's digestive system is mature enough to handle chocolate again.

I *heart* these eggs