Thursday, May 17, 2007

Saddy-head

I am just so mad at Josh right now. Actually, I'm not mad, I'm really sad. Sad and disappointed and frustrated.

I could go on and on about how I've now taken five classes at CCSN that aren't needed at UVSC, and about how I now need two classes from UVSC that weren't required at CCSN, and how I now have to pay non-resident tuition, and how I still can't register for fall semester because Jan at ext. 7196 won't call me back, and how sucky it will be to finish my summer class here on August 2 and start up there August 22, and how my chances of getting accepted into the program will now drop from 1:2 to 1:5, and how now I don't foresee any available time to visit Isaac & Shama in Texas or go see Jeddy in NY...

But mostly what I feel is sad and lonely because he's been gone for so long. I wish we could live like normal 30-something's. I wish he came home for dinner every night and didn't give so much of his personal time to his job. I wish we had a house payment and planned big annual family vacations. I wish we were friends with our neighbors and went on walks together in the evenings. I wish we did fun stuff on Saturdays instead of doing errands around the house. I wish he would worry about me and our future instead of his parents'. Mostly I wish I was a mom that had children to raise instead of giving them away. I know that's not fair because it's not his fault, but it still makes me sad, and I feel cheated for us not being able to start our family yet.

6 comments:

tim & brandi said...

Woah, are you moving back to Utah?? And where is your husband?

~b

Katz said...

i can't really say that i don't want you to leave me, because i'm probably leaving in august anyway. it still sucks though. at least i had some say in my husband leaving me for 6 months and having to move all over the country.

chartie said...

At least you'll be closer to the Hartwells! We'll come vist, or you can come visit us anytime. We have a guest bedroom that is open to you anytime.

Sherpa said...

Hey Paige. I hope you're feeling a little better about everything. Sometimes a good vent helps a ton.

Here's a virtual hug!

Daisy Paige said...

Thanks guys!

My 'poor-pity-me' fest was over as soon as I typed that blog up and cleaned my kitchen. Cleaning always helps out, it seems.

Jed said...

Oh I adore you. SO glad you linked to my new blog! And yes, you need to come visit Jeddy in NY!!!